First of all, it's communication, communication, communication! When you are running a small village of people with different upbringings and backgrounds, it is so important that you and your spouse are on the same page and are building a strong foundation. My husband and I don't agree on everything, but talking about it, listening to the other's perspective and putting yourself in their shoes helps so much!
Second, it's playing on the same team. When blending a family, the first couple years are definitely difficult. You are trying to adjust to a new marriage, kids of different ages, the dynamic of a previous marriage and new in-laws. What helps unify the foundation in our home is all of the kids are "our kids". What I mean is even though you both may have kids from previous relationships, you now are one team. Don't play the game of your kids versus his kids, it only leads to isolation and resentment. By being united and seeing the kids as our kids, we feel more supported by each other. We then can work together to figure out what is best for each kid in our home.
Another part of the potion is to remember to keep a spiritual balance. Recently I went to a Relief Society fireside, where our bishop spoke candidly about marriage. He defined a spiritual balance as having God as your first priority, second is your Spouse/Family, third is work and fourth is Church. He emphasized that in our marriages if both spouses put those things in order then everything else will fall in place.
The last ingredient in the potion is learning what makes each other tick. I highly recommend reading the book "The Five Languages of Love", by Gary D. Chapman. It is so important to try to figure out what language your spouse needs. Learning the language that they need will help you to understand them better and get you through some very difficult times.
In conclusion, in a blended family there are so many different relationships that take time, patience and unselfishness. Seeing the love that my spouse has for our children makes me love him more. I've also found that when I'm unselfish I feel my love grow for my husband and all our kids. There have been some very difficult times, but each experience and trial has solidified our foundation and helped me to see what it means to truly love someone.
At this point, we don't ride off into the sunset with a happily ever after attached. Oh no, our marriage will always be changing and maturing. It is just so important that we don't take the little things for granted. Such as the sweet words, holding hands, kissing, and going on dates.
I'm not going to lie, sometimes the stress of all the dynamics is so much to bear!! But I have learned that I have a loving husband and a Heavenly Father who want me to succeed. They are helping me to work on and continue to build a firm and loving foundation.
Now you know the ingredients to the magical love potion-blended style. Don't forget to blend those ingredients up and enjoy some enchanted experiences that await you in your relationship.
