Just recently I read this article in a stepmom magazine that asked, “Do we lose ourselves if we aren’t mindful?” It described how trying to be everything to everyone, while living under the microscope of scrutiny by another home or by kids in our own home, can lead to erosion of the body, mind and spirit. This can happen during times of family celebration. For example, during holidays, are you stressed and tense expecting the worst or not really knowing what to expect? At our last stepmom meeting we addressed several related questions:
Were you able to start new traditions or continue your traditions from previous years?
Many of the women in the group started new traditions with their families. Traditions make you feel less isolated. Those traditions, along with the ones that were already established, were successful. Even though it may be hard, we all agreed that sometimes it is easier to celebrate the holiday on a different day. By celebrating the holiday on a different day the family is able to have all the kids together without any interruption and it is less stressful for the kids and the parents.
Did you feel like you were able to see the kids a sufficient amount of time?
We felt that the plan for the amount of time the kids would spend should be written out and addressed with all the parents. That way everyone knows what to expect. Don’t go through the kids on this. It makes them feel like they are in the middle and stresses them out. Make sure that all the parents know and agree to the plan. This eliminates miscommunication and chaos for the kids.
Were there times you felt isolated or alone during the holidays?
As a stepmom, you can be surrounded by a lot of people and still feel alone. I think this correlates with the quote at the beginning of this article. Sometimes by trying to be everything to everyone, you put too much pressure on yourself and end up feeling alone. Ways to remedy this situation include making sure your hubby knows that you want to be included in his things. Or, if it’s just going to be you and your husband for the holiday, start new traditions for just the two of you.
Some of the things that we learned from the holidays:
* Celebrate on a different day
* Let go of expectations - be open to change.
* Set new traditions with your husband.
* Show respect and be cordial. Treat others the way you want to be treated.
* Have a plan for the holidays and then stick with that plan.
* Be a good example and always be the bigger person. Never talk bad about the other parent to the kids.
* Celebrate on a different day
* Let go of expectations - be open to change.
* Set new traditions with your husband.
* Show respect and be cordial. Treat others the way you want to be treated.
* Have a plan for the holidays and then stick with that plan.
* Be a good example and always be the bigger person. Never talk bad about the other parent to the kids.
