Get a Teenager, just add Water!

Getting a teenager is NOT just adding water, you may be getting that confused with a Chia Pet.  I got my first teenager about three years ago; Drama Girl was 15 at the time.  Starting off with a teenager is not as simple as adding water and watching them blossom and grow.  A teenager needs constant love and support, and you must have an ever enduring tolerance for mood swings. Sure I have dealt with teenagers in church, but I have never had one for an extended period of time.   I have to admit I was a bit nervous and really did not know where my place was  since I was her stepmom.

 When you have a person come and live with you full time, you have to hurry up and get to know them. Except you really can't hurry up and get to know them it takes time for each of you to get adjusted to each other.  When they made Drama Girl, they broke the mold because there is nobody quite like Drama Girl(and I mean that in the most endearing way).  Drama Girl has the greatest imagination, is witty and very talented.  She  is also very opinioned and is not afraid to have her voice heard.  We have had some long talks and we quickly discovered that we didn't have to agree on everything but more importantly we just needed to have a mutual respect for each other and our beliefs. I have realized that if Drama Girl is having a bad day it doesn't mean that she hates me.  We have spoken candidly about different things and we have experienced a wide range of emotions.  

 Over time, I have began to discover that Drama Girl did not come in my life by accident.   Through the ups and downs I have learned to love Drama Girl in ways I have never imagined.   I have had the privledge of watching 15 year old Drama Girl turn into a vibrant beautiful woman; she is still the same person from three years ago, but just more refined and driven. 

Having gotten started a bit early on this teenage business, you would think that I have it all figured out: I should be able to do the same things I did with Drama Girl and it would work with everyone else.  That is a resounding NO!!  Every single one is different and unique in their own way. I think my goal in this  neverending journey of female teenagers is to see what I can learn about them and myself while developing a "tough skin" against the constant mood swings.   

Hamburgers?... or a Big Mac

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So the other day my friend commented that her divorce was final and it was definitely bittersweet.  I couldn't agree more!  Being single again, I got quite a bit of advice.  The one bit of advice that stuck is your going to date a lot of "hamburgers", but don't settle until you find that "Big Mac".   I was in my mid thirties and once again embarking on the dating scene.  The dating scene in your thirties isn't such a pretty sight.   Since it had been thirteen years since I dated, I was told that internet dating was the way to go.

Sitting in front of my computer staring at potential dating partners wasn't what I had planned to do on a Friday night.  And then there was the older singles scene, which consisted of guys old enough to be my dad trying to get my phone number.

I actually didn't mind internet dating because I could sift through the different "fish in the sea" and find someone that somewhat matched with my interests.  Once I did, I could chat with them,  then talk to them on the phone and then meet them in person.

So, I spent endless hours sifting through all of the "fish" and I found that everyone had baggage!  Now I know that I had baggage too, it just depends on what type of baggage you can handle.  The guys that were quite a bit younger than me didn't have the emotional maturity that I needed.  Then there were the guys who had never been married or had no kids who were still waiting for the next best thing.   After endless hours of singles socials and internet dating, I realized I was fine just hanging out and not dating.  All I was doing was running into guys that were like "plain old hamburgers."   I hadn't found the right one and I didn't want to settle for just anyone.

It was interesting that when I was finally content with my life and myself, is when my awesome "Big Mac" made his appearance.   One day while nonchalantly checking out the internet dating scene, there appeared my future husband right before my eyes.  The minute I saw him I knew he was the one.  I was a bit nervous because he had five kids and was eight years older than me.  I was worried that he would be a fuddy-dud.  Just like when you're house shopping and you walk into that perfect house, you feel at home, that's how I felt on our first date.  So long story short, I realized that he was my true love, my "Big Mac".  He is everything I wanted in a husband and he is definitely not a fuddy-dud. :)

Small Victories

This weekend I watched my husband spend time playing ball with my son and also patiently explaining what it means to be deacon in our church.  It was very touching to me to see how much he cares about my son. 


We have been married going on five years and I have seen so much progress in the different relationships in our blended family.  As a blended family it takes time to get use to each other and the different personalities.  In the beginning of our marriage not all of the personalities jived so well.  There was tears shed and much prayer.  Finally one day my husband came all excited and said he knew the answer.  Service that was the answer.  To serve the person that you don't get along with.  Now serving someone you may not get along with is not as easy as it seems.  Serving them is a very humbling experience and causes you to become closer to them and to have a better relationship with them over time.  It doesn't mean that you go skipping down the yellow brick road, there are definetely going to be things that you still struggle with. 


 A counselor once told me that this is common in any type of family, it is not just isolated in a blended family.  The difference in a blended family is you haven't grown up with all of these people, so it takes time to get use to each other. I have learned that everyone may have different viewpoints and may not be buddy buddy.  That's ok as long as the effort is being made to treat others the way they want to be treated.