A Child's View

Once a child's parents have been divorced, do they wish that their parents were still together? 
 So my immediate answer was No.  That if each parent has married someone nice and treats the parent well and the child well then the child is happy seeing each parent happy.  Well that may not be necessarily true.  What do I know...my parent's were never divorced.  So I went to a good reliable source, my husband.  His parents split up when he was a teenager.  Drumroll please...


He said that as a kid he wished that he never had to go through the divorce.  It was painful and he missed seeing his Dad all the time.  But as time went on he realized that his parents were happier with other people.  

The Five Year Mark

So this last weekend I went to my friends wedding.  She is embarking on a new journey of blending families, a familiar one indeed. :)   We are coming up on our five year mark as a blended family.  You may say Five years isn't very long to be married, but there have been many lessons learned during this time.  So as I mentioned in my Time Out for Women article when I first embarked on this journey I had CONSTANT anxiety!!  But with time and experience my anxiety has started to level off.  So here are some of the things I have learned:

1.  Always treat people the way the savior would treat them.  This applies for everyone in a blended family ie stepkids, kids, ex spouses and their families, parents and inlaws.  This can be very tricky because you may not agree with their ideas or views of things, but it takes stepping back and thinking "how would the savior handle this situation or person."  

2.  You and your spouse are the foundation and you are a team.  I have found that if my husband and I communicate and understand each other, we can work through any problem we encounter.  Not to say that there are not huge problems, but we are able to handle them together.  

3.   This life on earth is but a moment of time.  Someone once told me, "we have the privledge of having children in our life to help them to learn and grow up."  Being a parent doesn't necessarily mean that you are their biological parent, it means being a parent to those that need you.  As they say "It takes a village to raise a child."  

4.  In a blended family, things are NEVER how you planned.  You have to be very flexible, you have to roll with the punches.

5.  Put yourself in the child's spot.  Always have the child's best interest in mind.  


6.  It takes time for your stepchildren to get to know who you are.  So you have to develop a "tough skin" which means try not to let everything they do hurt your feelings.  

7.  Last but not least, NEVER talk bad about the other parent to the children.  It will ALWAYS come back to bite you.  How would you feel if someone was talking bad about you behind your back?  If you must talk or vent find a person you fully trust. 

This is only the beginning, I have so much more still to learn... 

Enjoy the Ride

Ten years ago, I never thought that I would get divorced, remarried, and become a stepmom.  I had read about wicked stepmoms in fairy tales and I didn’t want that label.  It’s a hard one to go up against.  I really want to make a difference in my stepkids lives for the better.  

I feel like I’ve walked into an action-packed movie. The intensity at its peak and I'm a main character, but I don't know my lines or how to play my role.  How did I get to this point?  Well, it all began with the D word…

I was always a planner.  My goal from the time I was a girl was to meet someone, fall in love, get married in the temple and live happily ever after.  When I was twenty, I met a man who treated me well.  We seemed like best friends and could talk about anything.  We were married in the temple, but over time something was missing in our relationship.  After college, two kids and thirteen years later we were not connected.  There was that D word - divorce was on the horizon.  Words can't describe how my heart ached…

Where had I failed?  I attended church all my life and lived a good life.  I had married in the temple.  But where was my happy ending?  How could I find peace at this time in my life?

My answer was the temple and the healing power of Christ.  Before this trial hit, I had never felt such an overwhelming love from my Savior.  There were times I just wanted to close my eyes, like being on a roller coaster, and hold my breath until the ride came to a stop.  I couldn't do that because I had two children that needed me.  I realized Heavenly Father was my anchor.  This was the beginning of the healing process.

Being divorced and single again is hard to explain unless you’ve been there.  Dating is strange – it’s not the same as when you are younger. I started the dating experience again - single's parties, online dating and being set up.  This was a difficult time, but I knew I should not settle for just anyone.  I thought it might be easier to date someone with no children until I got the impression, “what’s wrong with helping someone else with their kids?” One day soon after, he was right there in front of me on my PC!   I saw his face and knew he was the one I was to marry. I said, “He has five kids - you must be kidding!”  I was used to dating men without children, so I didn't call him up and tell him I knew it was meant to be.  I did just opposite and ran!  I didn’t think I could handle that many kids, especially teenagers.  I was intimidated, but that sweet guy, my future husband, won my heart.  However, the minute that beautiful engagement ring hit my finger the roller coaster ride sped up, and I had to tighten my seatbelt! This is not a ride for the faint of heart –  it’s about being a mom and stepmom. 



Over the last 4 1/2 years we’ve endured so many different situations, like blending our families, dealing with teenagers, becoming grandparents, working with ex-spouses and having a baby. In the beginning, I woke up every day with anxiety not knowing what to expect.  Being in a blended family is like managing a small corporation and making sure all the puzzle pieces fit together.

Even though its been such an intense ride, I would not trade my experience for anything.  I have grown so immensely from this situation and have learned to love beyond measure.  I am here now to share the details of my adventure with those who may be struggling or need a shoulder to lean on.  I hope my adventure can help you…