The Five Year Mark

So this last weekend I went to my friends wedding.  She is embarking on a new journey of blending families, a familiar one indeed. :)   We are coming up on our five year mark as a blended family.  You may say Five years isn't very long to be married, but there have been many lessons learned during this time.  So as I mentioned in my Time Out for Women article when I first embarked on this journey I had CONSTANT anxiety!!  But with time and experience my anxiety has started to level off.  So here are some of the things I have learned:

1.  Always treat people the way the savior would treat them.  This applies for everyone in a blended family ie stepkids, kids, ex spouses and their families, parents and inlaws.  This can be very tricky because you may not agree with their ideas or views of things, but it takes stepping back and thinking "how would the savior handle this situation or person."  

2.  You and your spouse are the foundation and you are a team.  I have found that if my husband and I communicate and understand each other, we can work through any problem we encounter.  Not to say that there are not huge problems, but we are able to handle them together.  

3.   This life on earth is but a moment of time.  Someone once told me, "we have the privledge of having children in our life to help them to learn and grow up."  Being a parent doesn't necessarily mean that you are their biological parent, it means being a parent to those that need you.  As they say "It takes a village to raise a child."  

4.  In a blended family, things are NEVER how you planned.  You have to be very flexible, you have to roll with the punches.

5.  Put yourself in the child's spot.  Always have the child's best interest in mind.  


6.  It takes time for your stepchildren to get to know who you are.  So you have to develop a "tough skin" which means try not to let everything they do hurt your feelings.  

7.  Last but not least, NEVER talk bad about the other parent to the children.  It will ALWAYS come back to bite you.  How would you feel if someone was talking bad about you behind your back?  If you must talk or vent find a person you fully trust. 

This is only the beginning, I have so much more still to learn...